Don't give up

So I have a few blue days here lately.  I still haven't heard back from the doctor we saw almost two weeks ago.  I am currently waiting on my referral to go through for this doctor I found online who is within our network.  He is everything we need right now.  What caught my attention about him was he specializes in uterine surgery.  But on top of that he is an OBGYN, reproductive endocrinologist, and fertility specialist.  I just hope we can get into see him soon!

My thoughts have been wondering to the thought of giving up.  I just so badly want to be done with this journey.  People ask me do you think you will have children and depending on my mood it will be a half hearted sure or an "eh".  I am a pessimist at heart.  It drives Preston nuts that I have that outlook on life.  If you can't tell he is an optimist and always has hope for the best.  I would rather think the worst and be surprised in the end if something actually went right.  So my honest answer to "do you think you will have children" is no.  I would love to be wrong and have two or three little ones running around when I read this post years from now but the simple fact is it's easier to think no then to daydream about our future children.


Hopefully the next post I will have a doctors appointment with our potential new doctor.

-Kate

Yet another wasted visit

Well I thought I would have something positive to write after my visit but sadly I do not.  I really had high hopes for this visit because I did some research about the office and my doctor and felt really good about it.

After waiting in lobby with kids running everywhere for 45 mins we were called back to our room.  The nurse practitioner came in and explained to me that the doctor would not be seeing me today (which I already knew).  She wanted to ask a few questions about my history.  She then started calling medical files a novel.  I think she honestly thought that we haven't been dealing with our issues for very long.  It wasn't until she started going through my "novel" that she realized that we have been going to the doctor since 2011 for everything.

The one part of the the visit that drove Preston nuts was the fact that she kept focusing my endometriosis and not my uterus.  On our car ride home he told me that he was frustrated that he had to say "but we are here about her uterus not just the endometriosis" to get her to refocus about the uterus.

After maybe 20 mins of her asking a few questions and writing some notes she informed us that she will give the doctor my file and her notes from todays visit.  She does not know if the doctor will be setting up another appointment with us or not.  If she does she only sees patients on Wednesdays.  The nurse also mentioned the doctor might refer me to specialist also.

All in all we feel like I need to go the base hospital and talk to someone about what we should really do next.  My doctor had told me in the past that he would be able to do surgery on my uterus but did not want to because he didn't want to do something that San Diego would not like.  Well San Diego is not seeing dependents at this time and this place in Fresno has no idea when they can schedule me again.  We really don't feel like having another place dragging their feet.  To doctors they may think they are going as fast as they can.  And to outsiders I may seem that I am being whiny and super annoying about all this.  But in all reality all we want is a healthy baby of our own! 

-Kate

update

It has been awhile since I have written a post so I thought I would give a mini update before my doctor's appointment this morning.

The proper name for what is going on with my uterus is called a septum uterus. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uterine_septum) My doctor here on base seems to think that I will need to have surgery to shave down the septum in order for me to have enough room for a fetus/baby grow.  I have been reading about the surgery online and found that women have been able to become pregnant very easily after they are given the green light to go ahead and start trying.  Now I have not tried to google women who have level 3 endometriosis and septum uterus pregnancy success.  I am pretty sure google will give me links that will not be helpful if I looked that up.

I have also been on birth control for the past month in hopes that it slows the endometriosis down.  I would love if I end up having surgery for them to check out everything and see if the endometriosis came back yet or not.  The ultimate goal would be that I could have this surgery by next month and then wait 3 months to heal.  Then I would love to try to conceive naturally instead of doing the IUI right away.  For some reason I have a feeling that the endometriosis and the septum uterus were the true reason why we could not become pregnant for all these yrs.

So today I am seeing a new doctor in Fresno.  I was actually supposed to have my appointment last week but on Tuesday evening I received a phone call stating that the doctor would not be at the practice that day. So I was very frustrated with the news and was even more frustrated when I found out that today's appointment would not be with the doctor but with her nurse.  I really hope I don't have to go to 3 more appointments in order to get a game plan started.

I had to fill out this new patient packet for the doctor's office and wow it was really long.  I felt like they wanted the okay for the rights of my 1st born!  I honestly had to keep calling my mom about family history that they needed to know.  "Do you have at least two family members with such and such cancer?"  "Have you had chicken pox? If so what was the date?"  "What was the date of your first period?"  Ahhh I don't know all these answers!!!

I will do a post later today or tomorrow about how my appointment went and what the game plan will be from here on out.


-Kate