Irritated

I am going to start off this post with a disclaimer that I am going to be pissy and depressing in this post.  This month has been so annoying with trying to conceive.  For starters I bought the wrong ovulation tracker kit.  I really liked the clearblue ovulation tracker kit from the past.  I felt like it was very accurate and easy to read.  When I was going to buy my kit for this month I was on the phone at Target and not really paying too much attention to the boxes.  I saw the words clearblue and ovulation tests and grabbed the box.  It wasn't until a day before I was going to start testing that I realized I bought clearblue advanced ovulation testing kit.  This test has 3 features to help you know your "optimal" ovulation day.  A empty circle for low or no ovulation detected, a circle with a smiley face in it which means you are at your peak day for ovulation, or a circle with a smiley face with lines around it which means high ovulation.  So from the 6th-18th I received two days that were empty circles.  The rest of the time I was given a smiley face.  I thought the first smiley face I received was kind of weird because it wasn't even close to my normal ovulation time.  But then when I kept getting smiley face day after day after day I knew something wasn't right.  I was even getting smiley faces after I ovulated according to my other chart I use.  

So on top of dealing with my magical ovulation that was going on or lack there of I was having "symptoms" of being pregnant.  I tried my hardest not to google anything but I gave in and started the whole self diagnosing everything.  I again let my hopes get up and started thinking I was pregnant.  Well silly me for thinking that because I am not pregnant at all.  I started a week early today.  I don't understand why I started early again.  Last month I started early because of the meds I was taking to help heal my uterus.  But I have no idea why I would be early this month!

To make things worse we will not be able to try next month now because Preston will be out on the boat the week I am ovulating.  We thought we were going to be okay next month because he would get home right on the day of or the day before I ovulated and we could at least try.  So now we have to wait till January.

To put the cherry on top of this month and its annoyance we have a new girl at work who just announced to us that she is pregnant.  She is only 8 weeks along and all she does is talk about her pregnancy all night long at work.  It really hasn't bothered me too much because I don't have to be around her all night because I do the scoring for the captain's cup football right now.  But tonight as we were closing she was talking to our night custodians and she told everyone how she hates being pregnant and can't wait for this baby to get out while standing right next to me.  Again she is ONLY 8 weeks along!!  She also knows that I have been struggling for 3yrs and some of the other details about my surgeries (I told her in hopes that she would stop talking about it all day).   I instantly got upset and gathered my things and left.

Again I am sitting here bawling my eyes out writing this blog because I don't understand why things aren't going my way.  I just want a break for once and have something wonderful happen for us.  I feel very lost right now.

-Kate

Post Op appointment

Sorry I haven't been a good blogger and updated in awhile.  Last week was a crazy one filled with two dentist appointments, trick or treat at the command for the kids, long football nights at work, and getting called into work on my day off.  I enjoy being busy most days as long as it doesn't stress me out and by Wednesday I was pretty stressed out!  Thursday however made everything feel seem like small stuff after our visit with Dr. Swanson.

Before I get to Thursday's visit lets get into how dumb I was about my recovery!! So on day 1 of post surgery I decided it was a great idea to go visit friends.  I went and drove to 2 of my friend's houses and hung out with them.  I was pretty impressed that I was able to do this considering I had just had surgery maybe 24hrs ago.  Then on Sunday (day 2) I thought I could sit in a car for 6 hrs to pick up Preston's parents and sister at LAX.  I didn't put in account that I wouldn't be standing up or walking around for 6 hrs or the fact all the bumps in the road.  My body finally started getting ticked off at me in the evening when I starting bleeding out of no where.  So the rest of Sunday and Monday I tried to take it easy and not take car rides or extensive walking.  The rest of the week when we were on the road sight seeing with family I made sure to get up and walk when ever we stopped somewhere or sit down when we had been walking for some time.

Okay now for my Thursday visit.  Dr. Swanson went over my pictures from surgery with me and answered any questions about surgery.  I was then given the green light to start trying once my next cycle hit.  So then I started asking my millions of questions about everything.  I asked about the following:

Q: "Do I have the same percentage of chances to become pregnant like a normal couple would?"
A: No, because of my endometriosis I still will have a slight disadvantage than a normal couple.  But it shouldn't prevent me from becoming pregnant.

Q: "How many months should we try to conceive on our own before starting fertility treatments?"
A: 3-4 months of trying and if I am not pregnant we will start fertility treatments.

Q: "Will you be my doctor if I become pregnant?"
A: Yes, Dr. Swanson will be my doctor from here out (which makes us super happy!!) and tricare should cover everything since I was referred out.

Q: "Will I be considered high risk right away if I am pregnant?"
A: No, I shouldn't be high risk because of my surgeries.

Q: "When do I come back?"
A: I will come back in January if not sooner because he has high hopes that we will become pregnant before then.  In January we will start discussing fertility options if I am not pregnant just to keep the ball rolling.

Over all we were very happy with the visit and are very excited to start trying this month.  I went out last Friday and bought my ovulation tracking kit again and I need to pop out the instructions again and figure out what day I need to start the testing.  I know I shouldn't have high hopes but I know I will be disappointed at the end of this month if we are not pregnant.  I am trying to keep with the same mentality I have been for awhile that it's not going to happen.  I have to keep fighting the urge to go out and buy the book What To Expect When You Are Expecting.

On a side note I was very surprised by the flowers I received from my parents the day after surgery and even more surprised and impressed by the surgical hospital get well card they sent me.  Every person that had to deal with me on the day of surgery wrote kind words to me in the card.  I seriously almost cried because I was so touched by their kindness.  I understand it is probably protocol for them to send each of their patients a card but I was just touched by it.

Well that is all for now.  I will continue to blog but depending on how things go I might be silent for a bit.  Hoping for some baby dust coming my way!

(Flowers from my parents.  The bottom two are still alive!)

(Card from Fresno Surgical Center)

-Kate