Pressure

I don't have time to blog in great detail about this month because I am leaving for work in a few minutes.

This month I started using the wondfo ovulation test strips and it wasn't really hard to use at all.  I highly recommend this product to anyone who is in the process of trying to become pregnant.  I started getting worried if I was going to be able to properly read the strips once it came close to my ovulation time this month.  According to my app on my phone I was supposed to ovulate on a Tuesday but I actually ovulated on a Wednesday and my strip let me know by giving me a big fat two bright pink lines.  I was really excited that day because it was the first time after my surgery that I have gotten a correct ovulation test and I wasn't freaking out why I was getting a smiley face everyday or wasting my money.

Even though I ovulated this month and knew exactly what day it was there was nothing I could do with it.  Preston was on the boat during my ovulation time for a week.  We knew that becoming pregnant this month would be slim to none.  We followed protocol for the week of ovulation as best as we could.  But when your partner is not around on the days close to ovulation you know nothing will happen.  I know that sperm can survive up to 3 days but lets be honest with my track record the odds were against us.  I did have the tiniest hope that things would actually workout for us.

I was actually two days late this month and was starting to get my hopes up but reality brought me back down from my high.  I am not pregnant.  I am not as devastated as I was last month but it doesn't get any easier.  I know I have a lot of people who are really interested and are in our corner and want the best for us but I am going to have to discuss something with you all.  I love that we have such great support from our family and friends but I am going to have to ask you in the kindest way I can to please stop with asking for blog updates, if I have started my period, or if we have thought about starting the adoption process.  It is hard enough for me to get through the day some days because I just want to quit because all I want is to start my family.  What I don't need is the feeling of pressure on me.  I know that is not the intention of anyone but the fact of the matter is that is what is happening to me.  I will update you when I am ready to blog about how things are going.  I WILL NOT announce my pregnancy the day it happens on this blog or facebook.  I believe that is something very personal and our family will be the first to know.  Please do not take this personally its just getting harder and harder on me.  Also please don't feel that you can't ask how things are going.  I don't mind answering questions at all!!

-Kate

Irritated

I am going to start off this post with a disclaimer that I am going to be pissy and depressing in this post.  This month has been so annoying with trying to conceive.  For starters I bought the wrong ovulation tracker kit.  I really liked the clearblue ovulation tracker kit from the past.  I felt like it was very accurate and easy to read.  When I was going to buy my kit for this month I was on the phone at Target and not really paying too much attention to the boxes.  I saw the words clearblue and ovulation tests and grabbed the box.  It wasn't until a day before I was going to start testing that I realized I bought clearblue advanced ovulation testing kit.  This test has 3 features to help you know your "optimal" ovulation day.  A empty circle for low or no ovulation detected, a circle with a smiley face in it which means you are at your peak day for ovulation, or a circle with a smiley face with lines around it which means high ovulation.  So from the 6th-18th I received two days that were empty circles.  The rest of the time I was given a smiley face.  I thought the first smiley face I received was kind of weird because it wasn't even close to my normal ovulation time.  But then when I kept getting smiley face day after day after day I knew something wasn't right.  I was even getting smiley faces after I ovulated according to my other chart I use.  

So on top of dealing with my magical ovulation that was going on or lack there of I was having "symptoms" of being pregnant.  I tried my hardest not to google anything but I gave in and started the whole self diagnosing everything.  I again let my hopes get up and started thinking I was pregnant.  Well silly me for thinking that because I am not pregnant at all.  I started a week early today.  I don't understand why I started early again.  Last month I started early because of the meds I was taking to help heal my uterus.  But I have no idea why I would be early this month!

To make things worse we will not be able to try next month now because Preston will be out on the boat the week I am ovulating.  We thought we were going to be okay next month because he would get home right on the day of or the day before I ovulated and we could at least try.  So now we have to wait till January.

To put the cherry on top of this month and its annoyance we have a new girl at work who just announced to us that she is pregnant.  She is only 8 weeks along and all she does is talk about her pregnancy all night long at work.  It really hasn't bothered me too much because I don't have to be around her all night because I do the scoring for the captain's cup football right now.  But tonight as we were closing she was talking to our night custodians and she told everyone how she hates being pregnant and can't wait for this baby to get out while standing right next to me.  Again she is ONLY 8 weeks along!!  She also knows that I have been struggling for 3yrs and some of the other details about my surgeries (I told her in hopes that she would stop talking about it all day).   I instantly got upset and gathered my things and left.

Again I am sitting here bawling my eyes out writing this blog because I don't understand why things aren't going my way.  I just want a break for once and have something wonderful happen for us.  I feel very lost right now.

-Kate

Post Op appointment

Sorry I haven't been a good blogger and updated in awhile.  Last week was a crazy one filled with two dentist appointments, trick or treat at the command for the kids, long football nights at work, and getting called into work on my day off.  I enjoy being busy most days as long as it doesn't stress me out and by Wednesday I was pretty stressed out!  Thursday however made everything feel seem like small stuff after our visit with Dr. Swanson.

Before I get to Thursday's visit lets get into how dumb I was about my recovery!! So on day 1 of post surgery I decided it was a great idea to go visit friends.  I went and drove to 2 of my friend's houses and hung out with them.  I was pretty impressed that I was able to do this considering I had just had surgery maybe 24hrs ago.  Then on Sunday (day 2) I thought I could sit in a car for 6 hrs to pick up Preston's parents and sister at LAX.  I didn't put in account that I wouldn't be standing up or walking around for 6 hrs or the fact all the bumps in the road.  My body finally started getting ticked off at me in the evening when I starting bleeding out of no where.  So the rest of Sunday and Monday I tried to take it easy and not take car rides or extensive walking.  The rest of the week when we were on the road sight seeing with family I made sure to get up and walk when ever we stopped somewhere or sit down when we had been walking for some time.

Okay now for my Thursday visit.  Dr. Swanson went over my pictures from surgery with me and answered any questions about surgery.  I was then given the green light to start trying once my next cycle hit.  So then I started asking my millions of questions about everything.  I asked about the following:

Q: "Do I have the same percentage of chances to become pregnant like a normal couple would?"
A: No, because of my endometriosis I still will have a slight disadvantage than a normal couple.  But it shouldn't prevent me from becoming pregnant.

Q: "How many months should we try to conceive on our own before starting fertility treatments?"
A: 3-4 months of trying and if I am not pregnant we will start fertility treatments.

Q: "Will you be my doctor if I become pregnant?"
A: Yes, Dr. Swanson will be my doctor from here out (which makes us super happy!!) and tricare should cover everything since I was referred out.

Q: "Will I be considered high risk right away if I am pregnant?"
A: No, I shouldn't be high risk because of my surgeries.

Q: "When do I come back?"
A: I will come back in January if not sooner because he has high hopes that we will become pregnant before then.  In January we will start discussing fertility options if I am not pregnant just to keep the ball rolling.

Over all we were very happy with the visit and are very excited to start trying this month.  I went out last Friday and bought my ovulation tracking kit again and I need to pop out the instructions again and figure out what day I need to start the testing.  I know I shouldn't have high hopes but I know I will be disappointed at the end of this month if we are not pregnant.  I am trying to keep with the same mentality I have been for awhile that it's not going to happen.  I have to keep fighting the urge to go out and buy the book What To Expect When You Are Expecting.

On a side note I was very surprised by the flowers I received from my parents the day after surgery and even more surprised and impressed by the surgical hospital get well card they sent me.  Every person that had to deal with me on the day of surgery wrote kind words to me in the card.  I seriously almost cried because I was so touched by their kindness.  I understand it is probably protocol for them to send each of their patients a card but I was just touched by it.

Well that is all for now.  I will continue to blog but depending on how things go I might be silent for a bit.  Hoping for some baby dust coming my way!

(Flowers from my parents.  The bottom two are still alive!)

(Card from Fresno Surgical Center)

-Kate

Surgery number 2

Well it has been well over 24hrs since my surgery and I feel that I am with it enough to write a post about how things went.  Unlike last time after surgery where I think I was still groggy and left major events out in my post.

I felt really great the day of my surgery minus a super full bladder that I couldn't wait to empty!  I always think its funny that I need to give an urine sample before surgery to make sure I am not pregnant.  I mean if I were pregnant in the first place I wouldn't be needing these surgeries.  But I understand that it is procedure they have to do.  But back to the part where I was feeling good about surgery.  It was so nice walking into the hospital and being greeted by people who were smiling and kind and not people who looked beyond annoyed that I walked in and interrupted their conversation.  I had amazing nurses help me get ready for everything.  They put warm blankets on my arms in order to help raise my veins for my iv.  My anesthesiologist was cracking me up from the moment I met him telling me I was his next victim.  Dr. Swanson came and saw me before I was taken into surgery and asked how I was feeling.  Preston even mentioned to me afterwards he could see how much of a difference there was from this surgery and the last one.  Normally I am a nervous wreck running in and out of the bathroom until they are ready to take me back.

My surgery went very well!  Dr. Swanson came out to the lobby to talk with Preston when he was done and also gave him a copy of pictures from the surgery.  He was able to shave down the septum in my uterus and everything looks normal now in there and is ready for a pregnancy.  He did not find any big endometriosis that he needed to laser off because Dr. Ta did a great job of taking as much of it off as possible in June.  He did find another chocolate cyst on my right ovary.  He wasn't sure if it was left over from my surgery in June or not.  Never the less he took it out for me and my right ovary is clear now.  He shook Preston's hand and told him good luck and we should be able to become pregnant now.

I of course don't remember much from waking up from surgery but the one thing I do remember is shaking uncontrollably.  Not too sure why that is but I am sure during my follow up next week I will ask Dr. Swanson and he can let me know.  I went into surgery at around 9:40 AM and got out at 11:30 AM.  I did not get to leave until almost 4PM.  All I remember is that I kept asking for Preston and they would say "he will be back in a little bit".  Finally I went to stage 2 of recovery and I was propped up in a recliner(I honestly don't remember how I got there lol).  Again once I got there I asked again when do I get to see Preston and I was told once I drank water, peed, and got my discharge papers.  At this point I was starving and wanted to go home.  So when I was given the opportunity to use the restroom I took it and went.  I was prescribed vicodin for pain and some sort of estrogen pill.  Not too sure what the estrogen pill is for but we think it's to help the healing process in the uterus?   I will have to call in on Monday to set up a post op appointment with Dr. Swanson next week.  During that visit I need to ask him what is a realistic time span to try to conceive on our own and not jumping the gun to start IUI.  I want to make sure 3 months is enough time to try or should we try longer.

I was very groggy and out of it yesterday and would fall asleep for an hour here and an hour there.  Last night I had a very restless sleep and kept waking up.  Mind you I decided it was a great idea to not take any pain meds because I really didn't hurt.  So at around 4AM I couldn't take the constant waking up because I was uncomfortable and just got up.  I went downstairs and propped myself up on the recliner and caught up on my dvr recordings.  At one point my should and ribs hurt so bad that I caved in and took a pain pill.  I still haven't slept and have been kind of blah all day.  I am slowly getting my appetite back after Preston kept pushing me to eat and drink.  Overall I feel pretty good the only real pain I have is my right shoulder and and right ribs they hurt very bad when I try to lay down.  So for now I will stick to pain pills if I am in a lot of pain and hopefully tonight I will be able to sleep.  I've probably over done it on my first day after surgery by be up and moving around so much today.

Well that is all for now.  I will update my blog after my post op appointment later this week.

-Kate

Please let this work!

Well after a lot of thinking and weighing options we opted for the surgery rout.  I finally got ahold of the nurse and asked her a few questions.  She said the shots have great results if they work.  But there is no guarantee that it will work at all.  We were also informed that if our insurance did not cover the shots they would be $550 a shot and we would be doing 6 months worth of shots.  So the only real difference is that the shots could minimize or get rid of my endometriosis and the surgery will laser off any endometriosis that has came back plus take care of any cysts that are developing.  So instead of waiting 6 months to find out if the shots worked and having a surgery to see if everything worked correctly seemed like a big risk to me.  Not to mention the cost of shots if we had to pay that amount.

I am feeling really good about our decision.  I never want to have surgery but in this case I am kind of excited to have this surgery.  I will be having surgery on Friday, Oct. 18th in Fresno.  It should be completely different experience that the last surgery.  Hopefully I wont be crying before I go into surgery because someone can't figure out how to get a blood sample from me.  There is no down time after surgery and we can try as soon as we want.  I do however have to take it easy a few days after surgery just like last time.  I want to try naturally for a few months and see what happens.  Here is to hoping that after all this we can be like everyone else and just get pregnant without any help.  If not I have agreed to Preston that we will try IUI after 3 months.  He really wants us to do IUI right away because he is eager to start a family (not that I am not just as eager but I want things to be as normal as possible).

Well that is all to report for now.  Maybe I will make Preston write the next post so my surgery info afterwards actually makes sense lol! If not there will be a two part post one that doesn't make much sense and then another one that actually makes sense.


-Kate

Dr. visit update

Well I finally was able to meet our new doctor on Tuesday.  He was wonderful and treated me with respect.  I felt like he is all in with helping us get to our end goal starting a family.  He wants to tackle both problems (the endo and the septum) right away.  He gave us two different game plans that we can choose from.

Option 1: Get lupron injections for 6 months to help get rid of the endometriosis.  During that 6 month span he will have me come in for check ups to make sure the meds are working correctly.  Also at some point I will have surgery to get rid of the septum in my uterus.  So around March we will be able to start trying to start our family again.  There is no down time after the septum surgery.

Option 2: While doing the septum surgery he lasers off any endometriosis and or cysts he sees during surgery.  Then we start trying again.  Not sure of the down time after this surgery.

I know there are some pretty crazy side effects for lupron.  I asked my dr about the weight gain, hair loss, hot flashes, depression, and insomnia.  I am sure I am missing A LOT of other side effects but those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head.  He said he prescribes lupron to many of his patients who are dealing with endometriosis and has never had any of those side effect reported besides hot flashes.

So we chose to do the lupron for 6 months.   It sounded like the best shot at getting rid of the endometriosis.  The nurse came in and explained to us that sometimes health insurances will not cover this treatment and that could cost a couple hundred dollars per shot.  She will be calling me sometime next week to let me know if our insurance will cover these injections.  I was given permission to have the injections sent to our house and I can have a nurse at the OB/GYN clinic on base give me my injections.

Well after over 24hrs to let things sink in I may have changed my mind about everything.  I am really scared to get the injections.  I don't want to change or feel crappy every day for 6 months.  I started to research online for data on how successful lupron is and I really can't find the data.  I keep getting links to chat forums.  I read more about the pain they have a few days after injections.  Headaches and heartburn.  Women who have to be on anti depressants to help with the side effects.  And then the very few and far between women who have had positive results with lupron.  I am worried that after 6 months that my period wont come back.  I also feel if I have surgery for my septum and get any endometriosis that has grown back laser off that we can start trying sooner.  I just want to know which option is truly the better option for our situation.  Tomorrow I will call the doctors office and ask to speak to the nurse and see if I can get some answers.  If there is no real percentage difference between the two options I will opt with option number 2 and see when the soonest date I can schedule my surgery.

-Kate

World's Best Husband

I have to say I do have the world's best husband in my books.  Preston was a work when I received the call for the canceled doctors visit so I had to text him what was going on.  He told me at first he thought I was just joking with him because the last doctor we went to they canceled on us not even 24hrs before our appointment.  Once he realized it wasn't a joke he wanted Dr. Swanson's number right away to ask why my appointment was canceled.  When I didn't respond to his text messages or phone calls ( I was taking a shower during that time ) he came home from work to check on me and get the phone number.  I told him he had to be nice to who ever he spoke to on the phone because they didn't cancel on us on purpose and they really don't know our story.  Long story short he spoke to someone and they were magically able to get us in next Tuesday.  Why on earth I wasn't offered this date originally I have no idea and at this point I don't care.  All I know is that am very appreciative of my loving husband who always wants the best for me!  Needless to say I am in a a better frame of mind right now unlike earlier today.  

So stay tuned for next weeks post.  Unless they cancel again...ugh.

-Kate