A minor detour

Thought I would give you and update on our doctor visit from yesterday.  Well you can add not producing follicles to my list of reasons why we haven't become pregnant yet!  At this point its almost humorous what my body is or isn't doing to allow us to start a family.  It wasn't a big blow this time when we were told here is another hoop you are going to have to jump through.  I didn't cry or deem yesterday as a bad day.  I just think I have the expectation that there will be something wrong ( I know, I know that isn't me trying to be positive but its the truth!) at each doctor visit.

I guess I should explain what all went down at this visit.  I had a scan done again on both of my ovaries and uterus.  My uterus looked great and my walls were thick and healthy.  My ovaries didn't have any cysts or abnormal growths on them which was great to hear.  But the one thing that was missing was the growth of my follicles.  I guess I had two follicles that she saw last Friday and was hoping to see some improvement in them by Monday.  Sadly they hadn't changed at all.

So our new game plan is to start taking some fertility meds to see if I can get my body to stimulate proper follicle growth.  I am being put on the lowest dosage with the thought of my history of cysts.  I don't have the name of the medication in front of me at the moment but next month when I start taking it I will write about it for you all.  I didn't have any luck with Clomid so they aren't making me take that again.  I will be getting scans this time to make sure I am not developing cysts!!

Here is our game plan for next month:

-Start medication in hopes that it stimulates follicle growth
-On day 11 get a scan to see if there are any changes from last month
-If day 11 doesn't look good I will come back in on day 13 for a scan
-If I have great follicle growth then we will start the IUI process this month (as in February)
-If there is no change in follicle growth from last month (January) then we will up the dosage as long as there are no signs of cyst growth
-Start the same process over in March

We will do this cycle for 3 months.  We did not discuss what the next step would be if we didn't achieve anything during those months.  I am hoping that we wont need to discuss that at all.  This month is pretty much a waste but our tech told us we can still try to time our intercourse if we want.  But it is very unlikely for us to become pregnant this month according to my scans. That is all the info I have for now so like always I will keep you all up to date with my posts.

-Kate

The Follicle Search

So we had our doctor visit on Friday and we did our scan on my ovaries and uterus.  Unfortunately there was nothing to see during the scan.  We knew that there might be a chance of this because of the day of my cycle I was on.  I needed the scan on day 9 or 10 and of course on Friday it was day 8 of my cycle.  With this in mind we scheduled a 2nd appointment for Monday just incase the tech couldn't see what they were looking for.

Which leads to the question: What are they looking for during these scans??  The tech and doctor are looking for follicle growth.  When I think follicle I think hair and so I was envisioning a hair or line in or around my fallopian tube.  Yeah not so much!  I still don't really understand what I am looking for (thank goodness the tech does!) even after googling ultrasound pictures.  Here is a link that explains what follicle growth is and why its important. http://www.advancedfertility.com/anovulat.htm
I need to add that on this site it talks about PCOS and I DO NOT have that! It just shows the difference between what it looks like when you have healthy follicle growth and what it looks like when it does not happen.

At this point we do not know if I am having any issues with my follicle growth or not.  Dr. Swanson just wants to cross that off the list of reasons why we still haven't become pregnant yet.  But if that is the issue he can prescribe some medication to help with developing better follicle growth.

Best case scenario for Monday is they see follicle growth and its proper length they will prescribe a trigger shot for me to pick up at the pharmacy.  Depending on the scan I will be instructed to take the shot either on Monday or Tuesday.  I will have to give myself a shot in my belly (not too pumped for this one!).  The point of the trigger shot is to allow me to ovulate earlier or on time.  Why is time such a big deal?  Well Preston leaves for Key West for two weeks right around the time that I will ovulate.  And there is no sense in wasting this month if things are looking up for us.  Here is some more info on what a trigger shot is:http://www.justmommies.com/getting-pregnant/fertility-medications-and-natural-supplements/hcg-trigger-shot

I will update you all again next week what happened at our visit on Monday.

-Kate

Keeping Positive!

We had our doctor visit yesterday and it wasn't a bad visit but it wasn't an outstanding visit either.  I was going in with the thought that we could get the ball rolling for IUI.  Preston and I are both very frustrated and ready for a break.  I have all my info gathered for the appointment and pictures taken of all medications we have at the house for IUI (we have the medicine at our house from when we thought we were going to start IUI last spring).  I figured it would be helpful with our appointment if I was able to tell and show him the meds we already have.

So when I started giving out the info about the cycles since I have had since last time we saw Dr. Swanson.  He was very concerned that my cycles have been out of whack.  The 1st cycle after my surgery was 1 week early because of the medication I was on right after the surgery.  Then cycle number 2 was 22 days long.  And cycle number 3 was 28 days and we are still not sure what this cycle holds for us.  He wants to make sure everything is working correctly and there isn't another underlying issue that we have not seen until now.  So we hare currently having a waiting game right now to see if and when my cycle will start.  Right now it is looking like I will be having a regular 28 day cycle.  When my cycle does start this month I am supposed to call the doctor's office to set up and ultrasound appointment.  Dr. Swanson wants to make sure my eggs are looking good and that my uterus lining is thick.  If he sees any issues he will more than likely have me start taking fertility medicine again to help with any issues.

So now the game plan is to see what the ultrasound shows and if I have 3 successful cycles (meaning eggs and uterus looks good on top of a normal 28 day cycle) and we are unsuccessfully able to become pregnant then we will start IUI.  

Also we found out some interesting information about what we have been doing wrong when it comes to of ovulation plan.  We have always been told we are to have intercourse every other day until I have ovulated.  From what we understood was the reasoning behind this was to make sure the sperm count would be good and the volume would be good as well.  Dr. Swanson basically told us that holds no real truth.  He said anytime we have intercourse before I ovulate is just practice.  The only two days that really matter are the day of ovulation and the day after.  So we will be sticking to that plan from now on.

I also have been trying to keep more positive thoughts this month.  One of our new girls at work and I have spoken about why its really important to stay positive and not negative.  Basically it was broken down to me the more negative I am about my situation the more stress I am causing on myself.  I have never thought of how a negative attitude could cause stress on my body.  So I have really made sure that I let things roll off me and not dwell on things.

-Kate

2014

As I have been enjoying my weekend and reading many posts on Facebook I've noticed a lot of people saying they can't wait for 2014.  Some of the people are excited about the next year and others are complaining about how horrible of a year 2013 has been for them.  So it got me thinking about what has 2013 brought us this past year.  I really can't complain about anything at all.

2013 has brought me:

-A job that I desperately needed to help with our finances.  Not only did I get a job but within less than a year I moved up twice to a better position at the gym.  I am now a full time employee with benefits and a pay raise.

-Lasik surgery for Preston and now he can see so much better and he even gets to wear sunglasses like everyone else.  He owns more sunglasses than I would like to  know about!

-Preston moved up a rank in the Navy.  He has also accomplished so much this year with the different tasks that have been thrown at him.  I can't even begin to list all the things he has done at work mainly because I forget all the names of them! I know I am bad wife for not knowing them but I am so proud of him.

-Seeing all the beauty this state has to offer for us.  From the Sequoia trees to the beautiful blue Pacific ocean.  We visited some pretty amazing places this year and I know we have a lot of other really amazing places to visit yet next year!

-My brother proposing to Julia and the their upcoming wedding in April.  I cannot wait for Julia to be part of our family.  She has fit in with us since day 1 of meeting her!  Preston has yet to meet her but I am sure they will hit it off right away.

-Being able to fly home and surprise my mother after she retired from teaching.  I was such and emotional wreck that weekend because I knew my visit was very short and I wanted to be with my family longer.  I am so grateful for my father for thinking of me and paying for me to fly home for this important moment in my mother's life.

-Meeting new people.  I have met so many wonderful people this year!  I am grateful for a job that allows me to interact with people on this base.  I am so social by nature that I love meeting and talking to different people.

-A visit from Preston's parents and sister! We discovered that we need to not spend an entire week in a car! Next year we have decided to go to one location and spend a few days there instead of cramming in all of California must sees in one week!  My mother in law finally beat me in dominos for the 1st time in sometime (It doesn't really help that we only get to play it once a yr if we are lucky!).

-I had two surgeries that have helped me to discover why we haven't be able to become pregnant.  We also have met the most wonderful Dr. and have fallen in love with him.

-We have paid off two bills that we have been working hard on!

-Preston has discovered he can do a lot of our car maintenance himself and has saved us a lot of money by him doing so.

-Many of my friends and family have had babies or are waiting of their arrival of their soon to be children.  I am very excited for their arrivals and to one day meet them!

I could keep going but I know I would be sitting here all day listing things off.  The fact of the matter is even though Preston and I don't have a child and aren't pregnant doesn't mean that it was a horrible no good very bad year for us.  I know that most of my posts are depressing and sad but I mostly just focus on our trying to become parents.  Life isn't really that bad at all.  Most day I am happy with everything.  I just thought it would be nice for people to know that we are okay and thankful for everything that has happened to us this year.  I know next year will be just as amazing if not better.  I know that no matter what we will have horrible heartbreaking days but those days will be out shined by the happier days we will have.

So with that I hope you all have Happy Holidays and an amazing new year because we will be doing just that!

-Kate

Pressure

I don't have time to blog in great detail about this month because I am leaving for work in a few minutes.

This month I started using the wondfo ovulation test strips and it wasn't really hard to use at all.  I highly recommend this product to anyone who is in the process of trying to become pregnant.  I started getting worried if I was going to be able to properly read the strips once it came close to my ovulation time this month.  According to my app on my phone I was supposed to ovulate on a Tuesday but I actually ovulated on a Wednesday and my strip let me know by giving me a big fat two bright pink lines.  I was really excited that day because it was the first time after my surgery that I have gotten a correct ovulation test and I wasn't freaking out why I was getting a smiley face everyday or wasting my money.

Even though I ovulated this month and knew exactly what day it was there was nothing I could do with it.  Preston was on the boat during my ovulation time for a week.  We knew that becoming pregnant this month would be slim to none.  We followed protocol for the week of ovulation as best as we could.  But when your partner is not around on the days close to ovulation you know nothing will happen.  I know that sperm can survive up to 3 days but lets be honest with my track record the odds were against us.  I did have the tiniest hope that things would actually workout for us.

I was actually two days late this month and was starting to get my hopes up but reality brought me back down from my high.  I am not pregnant.  I am not as devastated as I was last month but it doesn't get any easier.  I know I have a lot of people who are really interested and are in our corner and want the best for us but I am going to have to discuss something with you all.  I love that we have such great support from our family and friends but I am going to have to ask you in the kindest way I can to please stop with asking for blog updates, if I have started my period, or if we have thought about starting the adoption process.  It is hard enough for me to get through the day some days because I just want to quit because all I want is to start my family.  What I don't need is the feeling of pressure on me.  I know that is not the intention of anyone but the fact of the matter is that is what is happening to me.  I will update you when I am ready to blog about how things are going.  I WILL NOT announce my pregnancy the day it happens on this blog or facebook.  I believe that is something very personal and our family will be the first to know.  Please do not take this personally its just getting harder and harder on me.  Also please don't feel that you can't ask how things are going.  I don't mind answering questions at all!!

-Kate

Irritated

I am going to start off this post with a disclaimer that I am going to be pissy and depressing in this post.  This month has been so annoying with trying to conceive.  For starters I bought the wrong ovulation tracker kit.  I really liked the clearblue ovulation tracker kit from the past.  I felt like it was very accurate and easy to read.  When I was going to buy my kit for this month I was on the phone at Target and not really paying too much attention to the boxes.  I saw the words clearblue and ovulation tests and grabbed the box.  It wasn't until a day before I was going to start testing that I realized I bought clearblue advanced ovulation testing kit.  This test has 3 features to help you know your "optimal" ovulation day.  A empty circle for low or no ovulation detected, a circle with a smiley face in it which means you are at your peak day for ovulation, or a circle with a smiley face with lines around it which means high ovulation.  So from the 6th-18th I received two days that were empty circles.  The rest of the time I was given a smiley face.  I thought the first smiley face I received was kind of weird because it wasn't even close to my normal ovulation time.  But then when I kept getting smiley face day after day after day I knew something wasn't right.  I was even getting smiley faces after I ovulated according to my other chart I use.  

So on top of dealing with my magical ovulation that was going on or lack there of I was having "symptoms" of being pregnant.  I tried my hardest not to google anything but I gave in and started the whole self diagnosing everything.  I again let my hopes get up and started thinking I was pregnant.  Well silly me for thinking that because I am not pregnant at all.  I started a week early today.  I don't understand why I started early again.  Last month I started early because of the meds I was taking to help heal my uterus.  But I have no idea why I would be early this month!

To make things worse we will not be able to try next month now because Preston will be out on the boat the week I am ovulating.  We thought we were going to be okay next month because he would get home right on the day of or the day before I ovulated and we could at least try.  So now we have to wait till January.

To put the cherry on top of this month and its annoyance we have a new girl at work who just announced to us that she is pregnant.  She is only 8 weeks along and all she does is talk about her pregnancy all night long at work.  It really hasn't bothered me too much because I don't have to be around her all night because I do the scoring for the captain's cup football right now.  But tonight as we were closing she was talking to our night custodians and she told everyone how she hates being pregnant and can't wait for this baby to get out while standing right next to me.  Again she is ONLY 8 weeks along!!  She also knows that I have been struggling for 3yrs and some of the other details about my surgeries (I told her in hopes that she would stop talking about it all day).   I instantly got upset and gathered my things and left.

Again I am sitting here bawling my eyes out writing this blog because I don't understand why things aren't going my way.  I just want a break for once and have something wonderful happen for us.  I feel very lost right now.

-Kate

Post Op appointment

Sorry I haven't been a good blogger and updated in awhile.  Last week was a crazy one filled with two dentist appointments, trick or treat at the command for the kids, long football nights at work, and getting called into work on my day off.  I enjoy being busy most days as long as it doesn't stress me out and by Wednesday I was pretty stressed out!  Thursday however made everything feel seem like small stuff after our visit with Dr. Swanson.

Before I get to Thursday's visit lets get into how dumb I was about my recovery!! So on day 1 of post surgery I decided it was a great idea to go visit friends.  I went and drove to 2 of my friend's houses and hung out with them.  I was pretty impressed that I was able to do this considering I had just had surgery maybe 24hrs ago.  Then on Sunday (day 2) I thought I could sit in a car for 6 hrs to pick up Preston's parents and sister at LAX.  I didn't put in account that I wouldn't be standing up or walking around for 6 hrs or the fact all the bumps in the road.  My body finally started getting ticked off at me in the evening when I starting bleeding out of no where.  So the rest of Sunday and Monday I tried to take it easy and not take car rides or extensive walking.  The rest of the week when we were on the road sight seeing with family I made sure to get up and walk when ever we stopped somewhere or sit down when we had been walking for some time.

Okay now for my Thursday visit.  Dr. Swanson went over my pictures from surgery with me and answered any questions about surgery.  I was then given the green light to start trying once my next cycle hit.  So then I started asking my millions of questions about everything.  I asked about the following:

Q: "Do I have the same percentage of chances to become pregnant like a normal couple would?"
A: No, because of my endometriosis I still will have a slight disadvantage than a normal couple.  But it shouldn't prevent me from becoming pregnant.

Q: "How many months should we try to conceive on our own before starting fertility treatments?"
A: 3-4 months of trying and if I am not pregnant we will start fertility treatments.

Q: "Will you be my doctor if I become pregnant?"
A: Yes, Dr. Swanson will be my doctor from here out (which makes us super happy!!) and tricare should cover everything since I was referred out.

Q: "Will I be considered high risk right away if I am pregnant?"
A: No, I shouldn't be high risk because of my surgeries.

Q: "When do I come back?"
A: I will come back in January if not sooner because he has high hopes that we will become pregnant before then.  In January we will start discussing fertility options if I am not pregnant just to keep the ball rolling.

Over all we were very happy with the visit and are very excited to start trying this month.  I went out last Friday and bought my ovulation tracking kit again and I need to pop out the instructions again and figure out what day I need to start the testing.  I know I shouldn't have high hopes but I know I will be disappointed at the end of this month if we are not pregnant.  I am trying to keep with the same mentality I have been for awhile that it's not going to happen.  I have to keep fighting the urge to go out and buy the book What To Expect When You Are Expecting.

On a side note I was very surprised by the flowers I received from my parents the day after surgery and even more surprised and impressed by the surgical hospital get well card they sent me.  Every person that had to deal with me on the day of surgery wrote kind words to me in the card.  I seriously almost cried because I was so touched by their kindness.  I understand it is probably protocol for them to send each of their patients a card but I was just touched by it.

Well that is all for now.  I will continue to blog but depending on how things go I might be silent for a bit.  Hoping for some baby dust coming my way!

(Flowers from my parents.  The bottom two are still alive!)

(Card from Fresno Surgical Center)

-Kate