1 Step forward 30 steps backwards

Well as much as I would like to tell you all that everything went great today with my ultrasound I would be lying.  The visit started off on a bad note.  Our doctor failed to tell us that we needed to contact the hospital in Fresno prior to todays visit.  The hospital in Fresno is where Preston needs to go to make his donation and it gets cleaned and possibly frozen.  So even if my visit went well today we wouldn't be able to do IUI this month.

During my ultrasound my doctor found two cysts on my right ovary.  One is 4 cm and the other is 2 cm.  Side note he hasn't done an ultrasound on me in over a year.  I knew that when I was on Clomid a few months ago it was important for your OB to check and make sure you aren't developing cysts and well that wasn't done.

So what happens now? I will be on birth control for two months and fingers crossed that my cysts shrink and go away.  If they aren't gone in about 6-8 weeks this girl will be having another surgery.

With all of that I can say that I am not having a good day.  So I will probably blog about my physical therapy on my knee because that isn't going well either.  Hopefully I will have some better news to blog about next time.

-Kate

The Run Down

Okay I figured it would probably be helpful if I explained how this month will be like for us.  Here are the steps we will be taking on our lovely IUI jouney:

1) Day 1 of my cycle I need to call my doctor and make an appointment for a baseline ultrasound exam within the first 3 days of my cycle

2) From Day 5 to Day 9 I will take 100 mg of Clomid a day for 5 days

3) On Day 10, I will be given a gonadotropin injections, Gonal-F subcutaneously.  This injection can also be given at home by myself or Preston gets to give it to me.  It has to be done at the same time every day in order for it to work correctly.  So more than likely I will be giving them to myself during my breaks at work.

4) On Day 12, I will go back to the doctors office and get an ultrasound exam to evaluate follicular growth.  I may have to keep coming back for a few days for additional ultrasounds or injections until my ovarian follicles reach appropriate size.

5) When everything looks good I will be instructed to take 10,000IU of hCG injection.  This basically forces me to ovulate.  During this time Preston and I will go to Fresno and he will have to make a "donation" and the clinic will clean it up and then give it back to us to take back to the hospital on base.  Either that day or the next day we will do the IUI treatment at the hospital.

6) Plan on taking a urine pregnancy test 2 weeks after IUI

So basically I am going to be pretty busy.  I am trying to keep my thoughts positive and I am also trying not to stress out.

So this might be too much information but the day I am suposed to start my next cycle is on my birthday.  So as I told Preston I will either have a really good birthday or a crappy one.  I am also throwing a baby shower that weekend with another friend and I am sort of thinking maybe I should change the baby shower to the next weekend.  Or I should just put my big girl pants on and deal with it.

That is all for now!  As always I will continue to blog about our experiences.

-Kate

Finally Getting somewhere!!

Sorry I haven't written anything in quite some time but there really wasn't anything to blog about!!

So after three weeks of physical therapy Preston and I started having conversations as to what we were going to accept from my upcoming Dr. visit from the Ortho which was today.  We decided enough is enough.  I have been dealing with this knee since June and have been doing physical therapy on base for 5 months now.  If I am going to need surgery lets just do it or give me something that is actually going to work.  Well at my appointment I voiced my opinion and told the Dr. that I don't want to any quick fix things that I will have to keep coming back again and again.  I told him that we have been trying to get pregnant for 2 yrs now and we really want to do the IUI next month.  I think he finally understood my urgency this time because he gave me a new knee brace and told me to come back in one week to see if the brace, pt, and patches were working.

Regardless its finally official we are doing the IUI next month and right now I am feeling excited about it!  I am sure the day before I go in for my 1st visit I will have sleepless night and google everything I can think of.  I am really trying not to be such a pessimistic person when thinking and talking about the IUI.  I really want to believe that it will work and we will be writing happy posts on here about our growing family.

So fingers crossed the next blog I write will be about the IUI process.

-Kate

Yet another set back

So for those of you who don't know I had surgery on my knee back in September.  After 4 long months of physical therapy I was told to see my orthopedic surgen because I am still having issues with my knee.  I surprisingly was able to get an appointment to see my Dr this morning (I called Friday afternoon for the appointment).  Normally it takes a good week to 2 weeks to be able to get in and see him because that clinic is always busy.

After examining, poking, and prodding my knee he comes to a consensus about what is going on with it. He believes the reason I am having pain in the soft tissue area of my knee is because my fat pad (yes you read correctly) is being pinched and that is what is causing the pain in my knee.  Also since my knee is still registering pain it has caused my quad to not fully fire back up after surgery. You can look at my legs and see that one is smaller than the other.  Typically when you have a meniscus surgery they trim up and smooth out everything they see that looks rough.  So the Dr did trim my fat pad but apparently it wasn't enough.  So I have 3 options in order to make things possibly better.

1) Continue PT through the gym program (different from what I did the last 4 months) 2 days a week, 3 days a week with a steroid pad after therapy and one day on my own since PT is only 2 days a week, naproxen 2x a day, ice massage my knee 15 mins twice a day, and wear a patellar band on my knee.

2) Everything from number one above plus a cortisone shot in my knee to see if the inflammation will go down which hopefully triggers my quad to re-fire back up.

3) SURGERY. :( Going back in and trimming down the fat pad some more.  Hoping that we don't have to get to this point.

After hearing all these lovely options and being told that I need to come back in 3 weeks for a follow up I threw out the "were having fertility issues" statement.  All I could think about when he was telling me all these options is great yet another set back!  Basically my Dr. suggested without coming out and saying it is to wait on the IUI treatment.

Preston and I agree with that decision.  I don't want to get pregnant while we are trying to fix my knee issues.  Literally when I go for a walk with Preston and Peytin my knee gives way at least 4-5 times in a 10 min walk.  It is painful to go up and downstairs, kneel on the ground, or to squat.  I can't even imagine trying to do any of that with pregnancy weight.  My fear is that my knee will give way while I am pregnant and I will fall and either hurt myself or the baby.  I also don't want to wait till after we have a baby (if we do get pregnant) to finish PT or even surgery.  I don't want to be down for the count at that point.

So our IUI treatment is on hold for the moment.

-Kate

Blue

As care free as I should be this month with no fertility drugs, ovulation testing, and planed sex I still find myself down and blue about things.  I read an article the other day on Yahoo News that Facebook causes depression.  I can attest to this.  I read posts and see pictures daily of how happy people are with their littles ones.  Some days I am immune to it and enjoy seeing everything and then there are days like today where it deep down inside of me makes me sad.

Another thing that really cuts deep are peoples comments to me.  I know they aren't trying to hurt my feelings or be rude but they sting.  Last year when we first started to do some testing and I would tell people about what was going on one of the 1st things they would tell me is well adoption is always an option.  That hurts!  We just started testing and you are telling me to throw in the towel already.  Yes, I know that there are children in this world that are just waiting to be adopted.  But I am not ready to process that thought.  Try being told you can't have your child any more and you should just go adopt another child.  Maybe I don't want to adopt.  The thought is pretty painful even now.

Being ignored either intentionally or not by my pregnant friends cuts deep too.  It's like well since you can't or don't have children I can't associate with you.  Whether it be because you'd rather be with other "moms" or because you don't want to make me uncomfortable it still hurts.  Whats uncomfortable is that you can't share things with me.  Yes deep down some days I am uber jealous of you. But at the end of the day I am excited for this new moment in  your life.

Complaining about how horrible it is to be pregnant.  I can't wait to not be pregnant any more it's so annoying!!  Really?!? I get it your are uncomfortable and you can't sleep well.  But I would give anything to be uncomfortable and have lack of sleep.

Okay I am done venting.  Please don't think I don't enjoy seeing your family grow or read about the funny things they do.  Just remember how lucky you are to have them!

-Kate

Game Plan

Spoke to Dr. Ta on Friday.  Preston and I officially decided to give IUI all 3 tries if necessary knock on wood we don't need more than one.

So the game plan is we are going to wait till next month to give the IUI a try.  Hopefully that gives some time to save up some money.  Fingers crossed I find out on Tuesday if I got a job on base at the gym.  Any who, get this so remember how I had to make a choice between plan A or plan B for treatment.  IUI was of course plan B.  So our Dr. neglected to tell us that I will be doing all the same stuff from plan A for the IUI.  So that makes me feel much better about the odds of becoming pregnant.

Time for me to go do some research about everything!

-Kate   

Now the wait

Well it is official that the 3rd and final round of Clomid did not work. This month was actually the easiest month out of all 3. The 1st month I swore up and down I had no expectations and didn't think I would be upset if the medicine didn't work. Yeah I was a big ole mess. I was deviatated, sad, and angry. Then when I started month number 2 I said the same thing oh I won't be upset this month and I also won't be tricked by the "pregnancy" symptoms. Well my period was 3 days late and I was excited and started letting my mind believe I was actually pregnant. Low and behold the medicine just extended my cycle that month. Then I went through the exact same emotions as the 1st month.

So having my period arrive this month really wasn't a shock. Preston seems to think that I am okay this month because we have a new plan to get pregnant. Which might just be true. Either way I feel that I did pretty good with dealing with things today.

When I was prescribed Clomid I was pretty nervous about the side effects. I have a few friends who have taken Clomid.  So I asked them what I should expect when I am on it. I was told mood swings, hot flashes, pregnancy symptoms, being very sick, and no real symptoms at all. I thought great I am going to be one big hot mess for 3 months. I would often ask Preston are you really ready for all this?  He of course said yes.

Month 1: no symptoms until the very end and I swore I had every pregnancy symptom.
Month 2: I think that was a hot flash?
Month 3: okay that was a hot flash!

The only thing I can really complain about Clomid besides the occasional hot flashes are the horrible 1st day of your period cramps. I am doubled over and practically in tears because of the pain. I will even stand in the shower with hot water for a good 25-30 mins trying to make myself feel better. Tonight was one of those nights (they always happen when I lay down or am trying to sleep). 

Preston and I made the decision we will be trying 3 rounds of IUI. I put a call into our Dr on Tuesday to tell him our decision. We still have a few more questions for him so we are waiting on a call back from him. I will probably call again tomorrow and see if we can talk. 

Alright that's all for now. It's midnight and I have to be up early for PT. 

-Kate