Tuesday, September 17, 2013

An all time low

So I have been on this high this month knowing I had would be going to my doctor's appointment and finally get things moving again.  Well that all just came to a halt.  I just got a phone call a few mins ago from the doctors office to cancel my appointment.  The next date the had open was October 22nd.  I was in shock that yet again my doctor appointment is being canceled.  I somehow found it in me to speak up and ask if there were any sooner dates than that.  She then asked what it was again that I was needing to see the doctor.  My mind raced and I tried not to scream at her.  I told her I have a septum in my uterus and that my doctor on base has referred me out months ago.  I then said please we have been trying for 3 years to start a family I don't want to wait any longer.  The next available date is October 17th.

So now I am here writing this post and bawling my eyes out trying to figure out why do these things keep happing to me.  I am mentally at the point where I can't handle this any more.  I don't understand what I did to deserve this.  I can't handle this any more.  Why am I driving myself crazy about starting a family that I have no idea if I can even have one.  But it's the one thing I've always wanted.  I feel dead inside when people talk about the love that they have for their children.  Its just so empty knowing I don't or will never have that feeling.  Well I need to go get ready for work and put on a fake smile.

-Kate

1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear! I hate that dr.'s and their staff don't seem to understand what it is like waiting to get pregnant and to have a child. Obviously they have never been there or they would be more sympathetic! Fill your schedule from now until Oct. 17th with things you and Preston can do..splurge a little and do something crazy. Try to give yourself things to look forward to until your appointment! Good luck!!

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