Dead End

It's been awhile since I've last written on here. For a while there wasn't anything to write about because Preston was on the boat and I couldn't do much without him physically being here.  But now there is literally nothing to write about.  We are currently at a dead end.

Before I get into that I am proud to say that my Thirty-One party/ fundraiser went pretty  darn well.  We were able raise around $500 which is beyond amazing! We are very blessed to have some pretty awesome family, friends, and to be honest people who didn't even know us participate.

Once Preston came home in May we dove head first into our paperwork.  We had our wills drawn up.  Asked friends and co-workers to write letters of recommendation.  Gathered more documents about ourselves for our files. And lastly we set up our future child's room. I was kind of hesitant about setting up the room because I felt like it was bad luck to do this  before we were even matched. But we have read that it helps when the social worker comes to visit for the home study.

Speaking of home study our goal was to have $3000 saved up by July so we could start our home study and get the ball rolling with getting matched. Well about two weeks ago I received a call from our agency and they wanted to see how we were doing.  Turns out I was speaking with our placement worker. So after chatting with her about our concerns about us moving next winter she suggested we wait till we pick orders and know where we will be going before we move forward with a home study. For those of you who don't know a home study is only valid in the current household you are living in. So every time we move we would need a new one before our child is in our custody.  Well it's not like $100 here and there for a home study. In our county it is $3000. Clearly wasting that money if we were to move before we had custody of our child is not fiscally smart.

Therefore as I stated earlier we are at a dead end until we move next year.  Obviously that gives a lot more time to save up money and a smaller loan being taken out.  But it's the excruciating pain of another year without a child in our lives.  It's hard enough that we have given up the dream of our biological child but to have stomach another year without this child who has been my drive the last five months is just beyond depressing.  It never gets easier every time we hit a "bump in the road".  I question myself all the time about are we really supposed to be parents.  I feel like this is the universes way of saying "hello take a hint already"!

So for now we will continue to save our money and I will keep our baby`s room door closed.  I need something to distract me until February.

-Kate

Getting Personal

I thought I'd do an update!  Well our contract was accepted and we are on to the next stage which has multiple stages to it.  We are currently filling out a packet that requires basic information that we have already filled out at least three or four times already.  But now we are required to submit copies of things such as our marriage licenses, birth certificates, W2's, tax forms, layout of our house, pay stubs, and a whole lot more stuff!  I have a huge chunk of it done but there is a lot we have to be patient and wait on.  Preston and I need our doctor to sign off on a form saying that we are healthy people.  But my doctor left for a family emergency and I couldn't get into the clinic until next week.  Preston on the other hand has to jump through a lot of hoops to see his corpsman.  Who knows when he will get someone to sign off on his paperwork.  Another thing we have to have is a will.  So tomorrow we get to venture to the lovely legal office with our favorite receptionist.  Fingers crossed she isn't working tomorrow!!  I am trying to get everything together before Friday morning.  On Friday Preston leaves for 6 weeks.  I want to get this packet in because once this is in we are one step closer to getting matched.

Another step I have been working on is our view book.  A view book is a photo book about us (essentially a scrap book) so that the birth mother is able to get to know us and have a choice in who her child is going to live with.  I am 90% done with it minus a few grammatical errors that I need to fix and add a few more pictures.  The hardest thing I have to do is write a letter to our potential birth mother.  I have no idea what to say to her that wont come across as stereotypical.  I want it to come from the heart.  I've googled some examples and read some blogs about what to say and what not to say.  I just want our book to stand out and that our birth mother will understand our personality.

On top of gathering all of our personal information and creating a view book I have been talking to two home study agencies.  And man oh man is this going to be expensive!! I about had a panic attack the other day.  For us to do our home study and post placement interviews it will come to a grand total of $6,651.  This also includes some education classes we will have to take on top of the ones we are already doing for our agency and some legal matters for the state.  Our new game plan is that we will be doing nothing from here on out!  Well sort of.  We agreed we are not going to eat out at all on non-payday weekends.  On payday weekends we can do ONE fun thing and eat out ONCE.  So to all of our friends if it seems like we are becoming hermits and turning you down we are sorry.  We are trying everything in our power to save as much money as we can.  I thought that we would be able to start our home study in May when Preston gets back from the boat but I don't think that will be possible.  So the new goal is to start it in July.  It kind of makes me sad because that will potentially push back our adoption but I want to make sure we are able to financially do this.

On a side note one of Preston's cousin's is doing a Thirty-One party for us right now.  She is AMAZINGLY not taking any of the profit from this party.  Any of the profit that she makes from the party she will be donating to us!! She is truly amazing to do this for us and we are forever grateful that she has offered this to us.  If you would like to participate in this event please message me.  I have added a few people but I didn't want to add a ton of people to this event because I don't want people to feel like that they are obligated to purchase anything.  So far we have had a great turnout and the party just started on Monday.

As always I will continue to keep you updated on everything!

-Kate

Approved

Well its been a few weeks since I've done an update so I figured tonight would be a great night for one!  Last update I said that we would be closing our Go Fund Me page but I guess I didn't understand how it really worked.  I thought once you did a withdrawal you had to close your page.  Well that isn't the case at all!  So we will keep that page open if you are interested.  And to be honest we wouldn't of been able to get this far without the help from all of our amazing family and friends out there!  Saying thank you isn't even enough!  

When I last gave our update we were just submitting our application.  Since then we have been accepted by our agency!  We both were thrilled with this news.  The next step was getting a sample contract that we were to go over and call our social worker if we had any questions about it.  After reading an 11 page contract we had a few questions.  Before I go into the questions or any further I think I need to clarify some information that I don't think I have really explained.

We will be doing an out of state adoption.  Which means we will not be doing an adoption from the state of California.  Why would we do that you might ask?  When we finally made the decision to adopt we googled top rated agencies and had an open mind to not adopting in the current state we lived in.  Yes that would be extremely convenient for us to do.  But we really wanted to go with an agency that was invested in both the birth parents and adoptive parents.  We also wanted to have a warm fuzzy feeling about our agency as well.  We did contact an agency located in Fresno, CA (Fresno is about 45 mins from us) but we never heard back from them.  So we took that as a big sign and did not further pursue that agency.  At this time we are not allowed to say what state we will be adopting from due to our contract.  But it is a southern state in the AMAZING SEC country! Sorry I had to throw that in there for Preston.

The next question we get asked quite often is how old will our child be?  We are actually adopting an infant.  And when I say infant we are talking he or she will be 1 or 2 days old.  Why not an older child?  We want this process to be as normal as it can be.  We want those sleepless nights, the teething cranky baby, the cute little baby wrinkles, and the opportunity to raise our child from day 1.

Remember how I said we will be adopting our baby from another state?  Well once our birth mother goes into labor we will get a phone call telling us to stand by.  Then another phone call once our child is born.  Lastly and most importantly the go ahead to come get our baby.  Our baby's birth mother has 72 hrs to either sign away her rights and or change her mind.  So for those 72 hrs after our child is born we will be on pins and needles because it does happen that once the baby is born the birth mother can change her mind.  Once we are given the go ahead we will have to book our flight and get to the hospital as soon as we can.  Then will pick up our baby at the hospital and live in a hotel for the next two weeks!  We will cannot cross state lines for at the max two weeks until we are given a court order stating we can leave the state.  I have been doing A LOT of research on traveling with a newborn on an air plane.  We will have to bring a lot of light weight items with us so it can be as "normal" as possible in those first 2 weeks in the hotel room.  A travel bassinet, just enough baby bottles, clothes for the 3 of us, something to bathe the baby with, and a whole lot more.  I get anxious about it all sometimes and then I am thankful that I am a type A personality and I will over prepare for this.

On Monday I asked our social worker a small list of questions and after she answered them I told her we were ready to move on and we would like the official contract.  On Tuesday we received our contract via email.  All we had to do was get everything notarized and signed.  On Wednesday we went to legal to have the contracted looked at and it notarized.  I honestly thought it would be a quick and smooth thing to do.  Boy was I wrong!  For some reason the lady who did all the notarizing in the legal office did not like us at all.  She gave Preston a super hard time about his drivers license and told him he was a liar about Ohio's law with active duty members not having to update their drivers license if they are not able to go back to the state to do so.  Then she didn't want to notarize our contract because it had the wrong date on it.  We were given the contract on the 9th and we went into the office on the 11th.  I later found out that she had no clue what she was talking about.  Apparently it doesn't matter what date was on the contract.  So an hour and half later we were good to go.  Preston went home right away and wrote a check to our agency and sent out contract along with it.  The contract fee is $2,500.  That seems like a lot of money but from here on out it just gets more and more expensive.

The next three steps will be getting activated into the waiting pool, starting to get our view book together, and our home study.  I am not too sure about how much the view book will cost but I know its something we will be ordering from Shutterfly.  The home study will be the longest process we have to do.  And boy will it be tricky to fit it in.  Preston leaves in two weeks for a 6 week boat det.  When he returns he will be home for a month and then leaves again for another 6 weeks.  So fingers crossed we can do this quickly.  From what we have researched a home study in the state of California can cost any where from $1,000-$2,500.  So in an effort to save as much money as possible we have dropped our cable package to the lowest you can go, got rid of our fun subscriptions to birtchbox,  have agreed that we wont eat out on the weekends, and whatever is leftover in our account after each paycheck we put directly into our savings.  My hope is that we will have a good chunk of our home study money saved by the time he gets home from the boat.  As for the rest of the fees: $7,000 once we are matched with our birthmother and $7,000 once the baby is born and we have been given the rights to our child.  Then after placement we will have to have a social worker come check on us to make sure everything is going well.  I believe that is another $2,000 for that service.  So needless to say once we are approved from home study we will be applying for as many grants as we can.

Our contract is supposed to get to our agency tomorrow (Friday) at some point.  So let the craziness begin!

-Kate

Application

Well it's that time again for an update!  Things have been going pretty good for once.  I swear since we have made the decision to do adoption my outlook on life has changed drastically.  Preston just told me on Sunday he has seen a huge change in my mood.  

On Friday Preston and I will be taking the first step towards adoption.  We will be submitting our application to our agency.  We have been saving money each month and we feel we have enough in our savings to start moving forward.  Another reason why we are moving forward is because of Preston's upcoming workups.  Pretty soon he will be leaving for about 6 weeks for a boat det.  After that det he will be home here and there throughout the summer but we want to be able to do our home study and classes we will have to take in order to adopt.  So the application isn't really anything too hard to fill out.  Just basic questions such as our wedding date, where we work, how much we make, if we have any children, divorces, illnesses, and a few more random questions.  We also will have to provide a photo of ourselves for our file and a check for $300 for the application fee. 

Today I spoke to our social worker because even though our application asked simple questions I of course started stressing out about the idea our application getting denied.  I was also kind of worried because we don't have a huge amount in our savings.  Don't get me wrong we have money in there but we couldn't go out and put a big downpayment on a new car with the amount we have.  Of course I was stressing out over nothing.  Our social worker almost laughed when I asked her if we were going to get denied.  She told us as long as we submit everything we will get accepted.  I guess this small step is just a way to show that you are serious about adoption and you are ready to move onto the next step.  She told me amazingly enough there are people who get denied all the time because they don't attach the photo or don't send in the money.  So I immediately felt better about everything and kind of wished I would of called her a day earlier when I was having a meltdown about everything.  

So what is the next step?  Once the main office gets our application and the check clears we will be given a sample of their contract and we will review it and once all questions have been answered and we feel good about it we can sign it and go live in the waiting pool of parents.  Exciting right?!?!  Oh wait Preston and I completely forgot that there was a contract fee of $2,500.  So that's where our Gofundme page comes into play.  We will be closing our page after we get accepted into the agency.  We will be using the funds from that page and what we have in savings to pay for the contract fee.  We will continue to save money in order to pay for our home study which will cost around $2,000.  My goal is to save a good chunk of money while Preston is gone for 6 weeks.  I don't really eat too much when he is gone so my meals will go a long way.  I also don't do anything really exciting when he is gone either so hopefully we will be close to being able to pay for the home study.

Preston and I would like to take the time thank everyone who has donated money to our Gofundme page.  We wouldn't be able to do any of this without ALL of you!  All we have been able to think about for the last 4 1/2 years is to be able to start a family and that dream is starting to come true.  We know we have a really long road ahead of us with loans, trying to apply for grants, and save as much money as we can.  But the thought of finally holding our child motivates us every day.  The other day I sent Preston a text saying I would eat pb&j every day if it means we are able to save up money and have our child and his response was he would do the same but just eat ramen noodles everyday.  

As always I will continue to update you all on everything.  

-Kate

Surprise

As promised here is a rather lengthy update!

In December I wrote to you all about our big move and Preston getting out of the Navy.  Well as you all may know from yesterday's Facebook post Preston reenlisted for 4 more years.  I know crazy considering of our plan to get out and move closer to family and starting our lives over in the civilian world again.  Well one mid January day when I was at work freaking out over our move and no job leads coming Preston's way in walks into the gym Preston's CO.  I have a pretty good relationship with his CO from my involvement with the FRG (Family Readiness Group) so it isn't too unusual that we would chat with one another when we see each other.  He asked how things were going and how he was upset that the command was loosing a great AT (his rate).  I told him how I was freaking out and then at some point blurted out asking him if it was too late for him to stay in.  He asked was Preston having second thoughts and I told him no but I was.  He said he would see what he could do.  Well the following week Preston came home from work and we had that evening to decide if he would stay in the Navy or get out.  There was a 50/50 chance big Navy was going to say nope sorry or yes.  We also faced if big Navy said yes he could go to the needs of the Navy aka we would have to move to a duty station that needed an AT position to fill or he could change commands also.  Everything worked out pretty smoothly.  Big Navy said yes and he was able to stay with his current command for the next year.  After his year contract is up with his current command he will get to choose his shore duty orders and there is a possibility we will move to a new duty station a year from now.

Once Preston got the okay that he would be staying in my first conversation to him was okay we need to do IVF now!  The plan was to save up as much of our moving allowance that the Navy was going to give us from our move so we could have a huge chunk in our savings while we tried to find a new doctor.  Well we never moved so we didn't have that huge chunk of change saved up.  I called my IVF doctors office and told them that we didn't move and we really wanted to do IVF and soon.  So they faxed over to me the dates that they had available for IVF cycles, break down of costs, and how to get financed.  I don't know if we were half listening the 1st time we went to his office and the nurse rattled off all the different procedures and their costs or what but it was huge shock to us that we thought it was $15,000 to do IVF but in all reality it was really $20,000.  After taking a moment to swallow that pill we started crunching the numbers and figured out a way that we could possibly do this.  It would take us 5 years to pay everything off but there was a way.  So we took the 1st step and applied for the medical loan.  The website stated you will find out if you get your loan in 60 seconds!  Well two days later and many phone calls later we found out we were denied the loan.  We felt really down knowing that there was no way we could do this.  After bursting into tears (only me not Preston) knowing this was our last chance at having children and all the excitement building up to this moment.  I really thought in my heart that we were going to do this.  After a few moments of crying I told Preston I am done.  I don't want to do this any more.  We can go to counseling and just live our lives as non-parents.

I walked around like a zombie for a the next few days feeling empty inside.  Until my mom and I had a conversation about everything.  She suggested the idea of adopting a baby.  I told her there is no way we can do that and we have no interest in doing a foster to adopt program because with our luck we would get a baby fall in love with them and 6 months later have to give them back because some family member was able to obtain custody of them.  My mom told me no not adoption through the county but from back home in Ohio.  She suggested to talk to a lawyer friend of theirs to see if she could point us in the right direction.  So I spoke to Preston about the idea of adopting a baby from back home and he was on board with me.  My dad gave me the number for the lawyer and I didn't waste a moment and called her right away.  Of course it was on a Friday afternoon when I did this so I had to wait a very long weekend to hear back from her.  Turns out she doesn't do anything close to adoptions and had no idea how to help us in that department.  I was not thrown off by this at all.  I was a woman on a mission.  The next phone call I made was to Preston's sister who is a social worker back in Ohio.  She was able to point me in the right direction of what to look for and what look out for in terms of agencies.  She herself had very little knowledge of what place to start looking at.  She is more familiar with the foster to adopt program.

Over the next week I researched top ranked adoption agencies and read through all their pages and different links that they provided.  Some of them I really liked and there were a few that I just did get a good feeling about.  The ones that  I got a good feeling about I requested information back from them and then Preston and I would review what they sent to us.  After many phone calls with our social worker and even a webinar we have chosen our agency.  Due to privacy reasons we will not be revealing what agency we are using.

So our big announcement is WE ARE ADOPTING!!!!!!

We both feel very good about this decision.  For me I feel as if a weight has be lifted off of me and my mood has changed drastically.  I haven't been this happy in a long time.  I finally feel as if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  We talk about our future child all the time and we just can't wait to meet them.  I have no doubt in my mind and heart that moment we meet our child we will instantly fall in love him or her.

A huge misconception about adoption is the price.  Many people think that it costs only few thousand as in maybe the $6,000 range.  NOPE  We thought it would be in the $20,000 range but NOPE!  Adoptions start off at around $30,000 to $50,000.  So we have been strapping down and saving as much money as we can each month.  The application fee is $300 just to get accepted to our agency.  Then the next step is a home study which is in the $2,000 price range.  Once our home study is done  we can start applying for grants but most of the grants have to be submitted once a quarter.  Luckily our agency has a finance person who is top rated in the adoption world with helping out in writing grants and helping you budget for everything.

I could go on longer with this update but it is getting rather lengthy now!  I will continue with small updates with the process.  As of right now we have not started anything yet.  We are putting some more money aside each paycheck in order to get the ball rolling.  But like always we are on a small window of opportunity.  Preston's command is in the middle of workups and we are trying to get this home study done asap so I can do the rest without needing him for interviews or other super important things that we cannot do unless we are both there.

-Kate