I am going to start off this post with a disclaimer that I am going to be pissy and depressing in this post. This month has been so annoying with trying to conceive. For starters I bought the wrong ovulation tracker kit. I really liked the clearblue ovulation tracker kit from the past. I felt like it was very accurate and easy to read. When I was going to buy my kit for this month I was on the phone at Target and not really paying too much attention to the boxes. I saw the words clearblue and ovulation tests and grabbed the box. It wasn't until a day before I was going to start testing that I realized I bought clearblue advanced ovulation testing kit. This test has 3 features to help you know your "optimal" ovulation day. A empty circle for low or no ovulation detected, a circle with a smiley face in it which means you are at your peak day for ovulation, or a circle with a smiley face with lines around it which means high ovulation. So from the 6th-18th I received two days that were empty circles. The rest of the time I was given a smiley face. I thought the first smiley face I received was kind of weird because it wasn't even close to my normal ovulation time. But then when I kept getting smiley face day after day after day I knew something wasn't right. I was even getting smiley faces after I ovulated according to my other chart I use.
So on top of dealing with my magical ovulation that was going on or lack there of I was having "symptoms" of being pregnant. I tried my hardest not to google anything but I gave in and started the whole self diagnosing everything. I again let my hopes get up and started thinking I was pregnant. Well silly me for thinking that because I am not pregnant at all. I started a week early today. I don't understand why I started early again. Last month I started early because of the meds I was taking to help heal my uterus. But I have no idea why I would be early this month!
To make things worse we will not be able to try next month now because Preston will be out on the boat the week I am ovulating. We thought we were going to be okay next month because he would get home right on the day of or the day before I ovulated and we could at least try. So now we have to wait till January.
To put the cherry on top of this month and its annoyance we have a new girl at work who just announced to us that she is pregnant. She is only 8 weeks along and all she does is talk about her pregnancy all night long at work. It really hasn't bothered me too much because I don't have to be around her all night because I do the scoring for the captain's cup football right now. But tonight as we were closing she was talking to our night custodians and she told everyone how she hates being pregnant and can't wait for this baby to get out while standing right next to me. Again she is ONLY 8 weeks along!! She also knows that I have been struggling for 3yrs and some of the other details about my surgeries (I told her in hopes that she would stop talking about it all day). I instantly got upset and gathered my things and left.
Again I am sitting here bawling my eyes out writing this blog because I don't understand why things aren't going my way. I just want a break for once and have something wonderful happen for us. I feel very lost right now.
-Kate
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