Sorry I've been quiet the last few months but we have decided it is easier to not talk about things lately. This whole experiance has been so excruciatingly painful and sometimes it's hard to write about or even having to talk about it a million times. So for now if I get the urge to blog I will but I will not be posting an update on to Facebook. So if you are reading this you are a smart cookie or a great stalker.
As of today we have completed 2 rounds of unsuccessful iui. Although I don't know if you can count roun 1 or not considering how small my follicle was and my cycle was super crazy. I'll get into that later.
I have decided that we will give iui 2 more tries before I throw in the towel. After that I don't know what our next step will be. But whatever we choose please respect our choice. One thing I cannot and will not stand for are for others opinions. You have not been in our shoes and have no idea of the pain we have experienced in the past 3 plus years. We don't want to hear about a friends friend who was dealing with a similar situation and after they stopped trying they became pregnant. Yes I still have people who say these things to me. I think this is why I don't want to be so open about our infertility journey any more.
So round 1 I was on 2.5mg of letrozole and I was able to produce a 15 mm follicle. I was told to go home and test for ovulation and if I ovulate before our next appointment I should call. Well much to our surprise I was ovulating that day. So we had to come back the next day to do iui. During a very long 2 week wait my cycle started 4 days early. I didn't cry I was just pissed that I was early.
Round 2 I was prescribed 5 mg of letrozole which proved to work much better because I produced a 17 mm follicle. I made sure I was testing before my appointment and I hadn't ovulated yet so at 6 PM that evening Preston had to give me hsg shot in my stomach. Well at 6PM I am at work so we got to do that in my break room. Well that took a whole 20 minutes for me to work up the courage to allow Preston to give me the shot. My coworkers reaction to seeing my husband holding a needle and me panicking was not the best. I had to give them a quick answer that I'm not on drugs and this was for iui. I had quite audience and people offering to give me the shot or to hold my hand. I really don't need to get into more detail about round 2 because as I stated already it was unsuccessful. I was devastated when I took a pregnancy test. I cried in the shower and on the way to work.
I know it's important to stay positive or to envision our lives with a child. I really don't want to give iui another 2 tries because every time I die a little inside when it doesn't work. It's one of the worst feelings ever. I am beyond empty and numb. I am ready to start seeing a therapist because I know deep down inside that we won't be parents. I am going to need a lot of help in order to cope with this reality and help me from the depression I will have. I hope I can shake this mood I've been in and get back to being positive.
-Kate
As of today we have completed 2 rounds of unsuccessful iui. Although I don't know if you can count roun 1 or not considering how small my follicle was and my cycle was super crazy. I'll get into that later.
I have decided that we will give iui 2 more tries before I throw in the towel. After that I don't know what our next step will be. But whatever we choose please respect our choice. One thing I cannot and will not stand for are for others opinions. You have not been in our shoes and have no idea of the pain we have experienced in the past 3 plus years. We don't want to hear about a friends friend who was dealing with a similar situation and after they stopped trying they became pregnant. Yes I still have people who say these things to me. I think this is why I don't want to be so open about our infertility journey any more.
So round 1 I was on 2.5mg of letrozole and I was able to produce a 15 mm follicle. I was told to go home and test for ovulation and if I ovulate before our next appointment I should call. Well much to our surprise I was ovulating that day. So we had to come back the next day to do iui. During a very long 2 week wait my cycle started 4 days early. I didn't cry I was just pissed that I was early.
Round 2 I was prescribed 5 mg of letrozole which proved to work much better because I produced a 17 mm follicle. I made sure I was testing before my appointment and I hadn't ovulated yet so at 6 PM that evening Preston had to give me hsg shot in my stomach. Well at 6PM I am at work so we got to do that in my break room. Well that took a whole 20 minutes for me to work up the courage to allow Preston to give me the shot. My coworkers reaction to seeing my husband holding a needle and me panicking was not the best. I had to give them a quick answer that I'm not on drugs and this was for iui. I had quite audience and people offering to give me the shot or to hold my hand. I really don't need to get into more detail about round 2 because as I stated already it was unsuccessful. I was devastated when I took a pregnancy test. I cried in the shower and on the way to work.
I know it's important to stay positive or to envision our lives with a child. I really don't want to give iui another 2 tries because every time I die a little inside when it doesn't work. It's one of the worst feelings ever. I am beyond empty and numb. I am ready to start seeing a therapist because I know deep down inside that we won't be parents. I am going to need a lot of help in order to cope with this reality and help me from the depression I will have. I hope I can shake this mood I've been in and get back to being positive.
-Kate
I loaded your blog into my Bloglovin feed a while ago... so I'm not sure if that makes me a stalker or not. ;) Kate, I know it sucks. There isn't even a way to put it into words... the pain is unbearable and constant. I just want you to know that you aren't alone and you have supporters out here. Keep blogging... it will help you sort out your thoughts. Hugs!! ~Julie
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